A Walk in the Park

NYC UPDATE

It has been some time since I’ve blogged and figured it was time for an update. It’s long.. and wordy… and more than an update :)

I think most of you know my purpose in moving to New York, but I’m guessing some of you do not. Since I was a little girl (as far back as I can remember) I have wanted to be one thing… an actress.

I participated in some of my school plays in Junior High and High School. After HS I went to Champions Centre College, which really established the foundation for my life. I remember one day, our instructor had us go around the room and share what we wanted to be when we grow up. “A youth pastor,” “a Senior pastor,” “a missionary,” “Um… an actress.” I knew that although not conventional, this is what was in my heart. After CC College I wasn’t sure exactly what my next step was, so I decided to go to a local community college since they had a theatre department. I spent two years taking WAY TOO MANY humanities credits and a small handful of needed credits, but enjoyed every moment. At the end of my third year (don’t judge, and PS I still don’t have my AAS— 20 credits short, and all math/science :), my theatre professor pulled me aside. He told me that there was this school in New York that he wanted me to audition for. I told him I didn’t really think I could make it, but he said “I am so confident you can do it that I have printed off your application and your letter of recommendation letter is on top. You have about a week before the cut off for auditions.”

So I filled out my paperwork and sent it in. They had regional auditions around the US, so I headed to the audition in Seattle. I was SO nervous. My dad went with me and encouraged me the whole way, and coached me on my two monologues I had to have prepared. When I walked into the audition I thought I was going to die from my nerves. But what I saw was nothing I I expected. There was this middle-aged woman sitting on a couch, shoes off, and feet propped up on the coffee table. She had a clipboard and a couple of file folders. I performed my two monologues for her, and did a cold reading. When I finished she said “When you are come to NY, I want you to really focus on…” to be honest, I didn’t hear anything other than “when you come to NY.” I wasn’t sure if she meant hypothetically or yes, I was in.

6 weeks later, my package came in. I remember reading the cover letter, “Congratulations on your acceptance to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts.” I just remember this bizarre feeling of destiny. It was surreal. That September, I packed a few suitcases with the essentials and thank you to Pam and Doug Cameron and the airline tickets, headed to the big city with my daddy. Our goal was apartment hunting.

I never had a desire to live in NY. I saw it on the movies and thought it may be cool to visit, but never really thought of it beyond that. Until the first time I came up from the Subway into Times Square. I vividly remember walking up the steps holding my dad’s arm. When I walked out into the open air, I was overwhelmed. I took a step back and squeezed tight on my dad. Tears filled my eyes, and I remember feeling like I was born for this place. It literally took my breath away.

Two days before my dad was supposed to head back to WA, I found an apartment, now I just needed my cut of the student loan check. We went to admissions to get any last minute details wrapped up, when I heard the words “I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened, but your loan was denied.” My heart sunk. We made our way back to our hotel to strategize. After a couple of hours of talking through options, my dad called Pastor Kevin. He updated him on everything that had happened. I remember while waiting to hear the replay of the conversation from my dad, I decided that whatever Pastor felt, I would follow. My dad then got off the phone and said, “Pastor said, bring her home.” Okay. Then home it is. I had such a peace. Yes, I was terribly disappointed, however, deeper than the disappointment was a strong conviction that this was all a part of the big picture.

After I came home, I began to intern at Champions Centre for Sue Zimmerman in the Service Planning department, and eventually became a staff member. Working for the church were some of my favorite times. I love the local church. I love Champions Centre.

Deep in my heart, every time I saw a picture of NYC or saw a movie set there, I felt a tug in my heart.

Fast forward about 5 years— About two and a half years ago, the tug became a huge pull. Even though I was no longer a staff member, I was even more involved in the ministry at our Bellevue campus, serving along side of my best of friends. The pull got stronger and stronger. One day I was driving home and all I could think of was NYC. So, I prayed. I petitioned God. I didn’t want to tell my pastors I was leaving, because I knew that they would let me and would pray for me and send me with their blessing, but that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted to honor them 100%. So I had a talk with God. I said “Here’s the deal,” (yes, that’s how I pray, I just talk to God, I’m not good at the “Christianese” style of prayers) “I feel like you have put this in my heart. But I will not tell my pastors I’m leaving. So if you want me to go, then they are going to have to tell me. And since I know that is pretty much impossible, I’ll know it is really you and not just me. I will not bring it up to anyone, I will not move until they tell me to go. And I know that’ll never happen. So what is impossible with man is possible with you.”

And I left it alone. Every time I felt a pull, I would remind God of our talk, not that he forgot, it was more for myself than for him. About eight months later, October 2010, I had taken Jodi Cameron (one of my best friends and campus pastor in Bellevue) out for her birthday. We had a fun time at the spa and on our way home we were just chatting about church, life and anything else that came to mind, when she asked “Amber, can I ask you something?” I told her of course she could. Then she said something that changed my life, “Not to say that I have been losing sleep over you, but you have been on my heart for the last few weeks, and I’ve been thinking about it and wonder if you still get the urge to move away.” I asked her why and if I seemed distant or something. She said “no, you’ve just been on my heart and I think if you still feel that in your heart, you need to go. We will take care of Bellevue. But if it’s in your heart, you have to go, and you need to do it now.”

I was sort of speechless. A couple of months later, I decided for sure it would be NYC.

September 26, 2011 I gave my family hugs and kisses and made the biggest leap of faith I have ever taken. I moved to NYC. I believe in my heart that because of my determination to honor my pastors and family, God blessed me beyond what I could imagine. I landed an AMAZING job working for Arnold Ramirez (a friend from Bellevue campus, fancy that- a church connection), that pays a great wage, has opportunity for me to learn and grow. Not only that, but he knows why I moved to NYC in the first place and has allowed me to have a position that is flexible. He asked that I wait about 6-8 months to get the hang of the job, and then I’ll be able to start the auditions… Which works out to be around August.

I’m trying not to be emotional as I write this, but it’s hard. I’m sitting in a little red metal chair in Times Square on a beautiful 70 degree day, but more than just that, as I look around, I see that awe in the tourists eyes. The amazement at the energy, beauty, and exuberant life that this magical city is bursting with. I sit here and think that anything can happen. That life is full of possibilities. That a few years ago, this was all just a day dream… and now I’m here. I’m actually sitting here in the middle of it all. This is my city. I was born for this.

As my journey continues, I will keep you updated. Thank you for your love, prayers, and support… I feel it all the way over here!

Thank you for believing in me, for encouraging me, and sharing this time with me. I am so excited for what the future holds!! xoxo Amber

Why I Love Jesus

I love Jesus because he loves me.

No matter where I am, what I’ve done, or what I may do, he finds me lovely just as I am. There is nothing I can say or do to make him love me any more than he does, than he always has, than he always will. I love Jesus because he would love me the same, even if I never loved him back.

I want to be like Jesus when I grow up. I want to love people the way Jesus loves me. I want to immediately forgive even when someone has said or done something against me. I mean think about it… Jesus in all of his love and perfection and pure awesomeness was hung on a cross. He’s on the cross, barely able to breath as he suffocates, his shoulders are out of their joints, his hands and feet are nailed to keep him in place. He looks through the blood and sweat in his eyes and sees this thunderous crowd. I can just imagine him, not seeing the crowd, but seeing the individual as he does so beautifully. He sees one man, watches him as the man yells “crucify him!” Maybe Jesus thought “I healed you.” Then he sees a woman, bitter and enraged “Kill him!” she cries out. “I raised your loved one from the dead,” Jesus remembers. He sees another laughing at his pain, cheering for more. “I know you,” Jesus thinks “I fed you.”

I don’t know about you, but if I were the Son of God, the end of the story would have been just little bit different. Right about the time I heard someone shout “If you’re the Son of God, then remove yourself from that cross, Jesus!” is about the time I would have given a quick wink to the hosts of angels hanging out. At that moment I would have elevated myself in one quick ninja-like motion off of the cross, healed up the wounds in one quick blast of wind, flowing freshly washed hair, and then using my God voice I would say, in my thunderous and angry-booming voice “Aha! Here you have it! I am the Son of God. What now?! You thought you were soooooo cool. Hahahahahaha… who’s the awesome one now?! Huh? I can’t hear you… where’s all the cheering now?? Oh, you’re not-so-tough now, eh?!” Then I would begin to point and shoot lightning bolts out of my fingertips at some of the loudest most obnoxious ones. Zap! Zap! Zap zap zap!

Foooortunatley, I’m not Jesus. He doesn’t prove everyone wrong, he doesn’t say “forget it, these ungrateful schmucks aren’t worth this.” Instead, he says “forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

What?!? Seriously?? Where is the revenge in that? Where is justice? Where is getting what they deserve? Where is the pay back. Where is the begging for forgiveness? They didn’t even asked to be forgiven! He just gave it.

Wow. Talk about love. Loving us so much, that even though we hypothetically spit in his face on a daily basis, he doesn’t give up on us. He doesn’t laugh at our pain, he doesn’t pour salt in our wounds. He doesn’t say “you deserved that one!” He forgives us even though we ALL sin against him (whether we believe in him or not) daily. And sure, there are natural consequences that we sometimes have to trudge through, but he’s there, holding our hand, encouraging us to move through it. He never leaves us to deal on our own.

Some of you know and realize the grace you’ve been given. You get how cool this is. Some of you think you are “not as bad as some.” Or “yeah, that one over there… they really need grace.” Maybe you’re someone who likes to watch “those sinners” get what they deserve.

I’m just grateful I don’t “get what I deserve” - death and hell, because Jesus has substituted himself on my behalf. That’s just crazy to even picture. How can I ever say thank you enough? I guess I can’t. All I can do is show my love back to him as best as I can. I would think that is by loving others as he has loved me. Unconditionally. Without cause. Freely. Giving of myself, even when that’s all I have.

I definitely want to be like Jesus when I grow up.

“Sisters, Sisters, There Were Never Such Devoted Sisters”

Today is maybe the most exciting, wonderful, fun, perfect day I have had since moving to NYC September 26th.  Let me paint the picture, it was very movie like…….

I stood at the airport arrival terminal scanning over every face waiting, searching for the familiar one I so eagerly awaited.  Oh! She is trendy… um… nope, not her.  The next large group of travelers barreled past me. Some responding to their name on a sign. Others running into the arms of their loved ones.  There were tears, laughter, kisses, and hugs.  The terminal cleared out a bit.  I’m checking the time on my phone every 30 seconds, just in case the pace of time has changed since God originally set it into motion.  Did she text? Nope.  So I wait.  

Yes! The next big group of passengers comes rolling along. Yet again, I admire the reunions, waiting very anxiously for my own. But again, I’m left alone, waiting.

After about 35 minutes of total impatience and eagerness on my part I see her.  Her big beautiful smile, cute new hair due, and bright eyes.  My sister.  It felt just like the movies.  We met eyes and both of our faces lit up! “Sistow!” We yelled at each other… and once she was around the little barrier I hugged her.  Yay! My baby sister is with me.  Might only be for 5 days… but these are going to be the best 5 days.

I haven’t seen her or hugged her or kissed on her in 21 days… the longest in our life.  I love that girl.  Such a wonderful, kind, generous, loving, and truly genuine woman. xoxo

(This is us being super pretty :) lol………

Dear God, I just want to get to my apartment (fair warning this isn’t short)

So far I’ve gotten around pretty well in NYC.  Especially the last week, things are starting to click and I’m beginning to get the hang of it. 

Last night, I ventured out on my own a bit.  Met up with a friend from childhood that happens to be in town for a couple of months.  We went to Liberty Church NYC that meets at the New York Film Academy.  It was really nice.  Then we zipped on over to Hillsong NYC to hear Chad Veach from Puyallup, WA speak (P-Town represent!).  Great night, it felt awesome to be in church, and felt awesome to be with someone from home!  My friend, Jen Forni (an opera singer… how cool is that?) then went to Whole Foods for dinner around 10pm.  We chatted politics (anyone that knows our families knows how funny this is) for hours… literally stood outside of the Subway station at Union Square talking everything from Planned Parenthood to Gay marriage, Walmart to public education… for hours. Finally at 12:20 we said our goodbyes and headed on our way into the Subway station.

My plan was to take the N train to 42nd street.  Then walk to Port Authority and take my bus home.  This did not work out quite like I had anticipated.  

For anyone that has been to NYC you would know that the trains come every few minutes. If you miss one, no worries, give it 5 mins and another one is there.  Not tonight. After 20 mins of waiting for the N, I think I can out smart the system.  Since I have good eyes, I see a map (for lack of a better word, cause it wasn’t really an actual map) and notice that I’m at a station with an L train and 42nd street has the L train.  At that time I hear the loud speaker from a floor below me stating that the L train is arriving… that’s when I act like a real New Yorker and run for it.  I rush to get on the train. Yes! I’m on.

**Side note: my cell phone died at 12:20am.  My roommate has no way to communicate with me, I have to way to communicate with anyone, and I can’t look at my maps on my phone**

First stop. Huh, this isn’t what I was expecting.  But I’ve never technically been on the L.  Maybe it makes a weird loop.  Second stop. Okay??… Now I’m getting confused.  This is definitely not where I’m thinking.  So, I break the NYC rules and ask the woman across from me if this is going to get me to 42nd St (Times Square).  The guy sitting next to her pulls out his ear buds and says with a chuckle “Um, what did you just ask?”  I repeat myself.  ”Nope. This is the only train that goes East to West only. You’re not getting to Times Square, but welcome to Brooklyn.”

Third stop. I get out. Walk to the other side waiting for the L going back into Manhattan (where I just came from). Back to Union Square to sit and wait for the N train. For twenty minutes.  Finally, after much anticipation, I arrive at the 42nd Street stop.  

As I exit the Subway I am stunned. Times Square is empty. Seriously. Empty like the end of an movie after the aliens have eaten everybody and the haunting last shot of NYC as the camera pans out and shows a few wondering people in the streets, litter flying around like there had been a parade earlier.  It was the eeriest feeling.  Honestly, there were maybe 100 people.  That is UNHEARD of in Times Square (except for Sunday nights I assume). Due to the stillness in Times Square, I’m sort of jarred and anxious.  I need to get to Port Authority, which is just down the street… I’m almost to my bus that takes me home! Yay!

I head down the street.  The wrong street.  Now I’m even more frazzled.  I turn around (with out being obvious since there is hardly anyone walking around, you never want to look like your not from around here) and head to Port Authority. There she is in all her glory.  I march up the steps confident that home is only a short 15 minute bus ride away. The doors are locked. Now, at this point I’m seriously on the verge of bawling my eyes out on the sidewalk or just getting in a taxi and paying the $70 they’re going to charge me to cross over to NJ. 

I see a sign to enter Port Authority from the 8th Ave entrance.  I round the corner, and slowly walk in. Barricades everywhere and 8 police are blocking the inside entrance.  Lovely.  As I slowly walk in with a smile, a fake smile, I see a man in uniform and ask if there are still buses running.  He advises me per my destination where to go. I head down the stairs to a terminal that I don’t usually use to get on a bus I don’t usually ride… at 2am.  The bus drops me off about 6-8 blocks from my home.  6-8 blocks uphill, in the dark, no street lights.  The precious bus driver who knows my situation because I nearly lost it when he told me he doesn’t stop where I wanted him to, tells me he doesn’t want to drop me off at that stop since it is poorly lit and no one is around, he’d rather drop me off at this 24 hr diner in Hoboken and have me grab a cab where it is well lit and safe.

This sweet, sweet bus driver drops me off at the diner, not at a bus stop, to make sure I’m safe. I call a cab. I spend $10 to go about 2 miles. And I’m home. Safe. Wound so tight I’m about to burst. 

I walk in at 2:30ish and my sweet roommate, Heather, is staring at me.  I explain everything that happened (hands shaking).  A journey that should have taken 45minutes at most, took me 2 1/2 hrs. She says, “one more hour and I was going to call the police. And then I was thinking about what I was going to tell your parents.”  

Lesson #1? Don’t stay out late Sunday night.  It’s the only time everything is closed down. Lesson #2? Always, ALWAYS find a way to have a charged cell phone.
Lesson #3? Memorize my roommates phone number so I can at least call her from a pay phone so she knows I’m alive.

Well, that was my night.  I learned a lot.  I made it safe.  I kept my “touch me and I’ll break your arm, I’m a New Yorker” face on the whole time…. well, most of the time.  And I made it home.  

Oh Starbucks, Beautiful Starbucks

I think it’s the little things in life that can bring the biggest joy.  Take Starbucks.  There is something so magical about it.  It has everything one could need.  Hungry? Not a problem.  Cold? Grab an extra hot latte.  Hot? Grab a nice iced tea.  Homesick? Come in, pull out your laptop, enjoy the Seattle atmosphere no matter where you are.

I have a confession, I have been so happy being in NYC, except at one time of day.  Right before I go to bed.  I usually end my day with a call to my mummy talking about what all happened during the day and other miscellaneous happenings. She then tells me how much she misses me and how she keeps expecting me to walk through the door, but she knows I’m not.  That’s right before we say goodnight… when a few tears sneak out.  Because that’s when I realize that I can’t snuggle with my mummy or daddy, or kiss on my sister.  

That’s when I take a deep breath and thank God for all of the years that I have had with them day in and day out.  Plus I remind myself, I get to see them soon… at Christmas.  Besides, I’m only a 6 hour flight away (or a 48 hour drive, no stops).  

When I wake up, I’m filled with excitement of what the day will bring.  My sadness is gone and is now replaced with wonder, joy, and eagerness.  

I wander the streets during the day so curious for what tomorrow will bring.  And just when I start to get overwhelmed, I see her…

Oh Starbucks, beautiful Starbucks.  I love you.

$2,000 and a Dream……

I was planning to blog soon; however this is primarily brought on my the constant hassling of my dear friend Alicia… so here you go little lady… here’s my blog :) xoxo

Well, here I am! One week into living in the Big Apple… well, a short bus ride away anyhow.  This week has been BANANAS! (I tried to think of a more grown up and eloquent word to use to explain how it’s been, but there just isn’t one… bananas is really the best fit).  If I had to describe New York City in one word, I think I’d chose Magical.  It is beyond anything I have seen.  The energy, diversity, lights, and smells (some great, some that make your lungs squeeze up like your wringing out a sponge).  

Just so you know how INCREDIBLY AWESOME God is let me give you a quick set up. I moved to NYC with $2,000 and a dream.  No bed, no blankets, no job, no apartment, nothing but 4 suitcase stuffed with some clothes and books (under 50 lb each, for anyone that’s ever checked a suitcase before). I arrived on Monday September 26th.  By Wednesday we (my roommate Heather and I) found this cute apartment in Weehawken NJ.  Our bus stop is the last stop before you go into the Lincoln Tunnel into the city.  It’s HUGE especially for NYC standards. We are 2 blocks up for an amazing view of the Hudson and all of downtown Manhattan.   And I have a job! In this economy, I’m getting an amazing job!  And Heather has 2 jobs!  AAaaand on top of that, we are working on another part time job! Needless to say, God has been on a “let’s see how much I can blow Amber’s mind with my awesomeness” rampage!! 

The electricity comes on tomorrow! Thank God! Living by lamp plugged into our landlord’s extension chord has been “interesting.” Still no bed, but that egg shell mattress pad and blanket works for now (thank you Daddy!!)

Front view of house- We’re the top story (and our landlord Tess on the front step- Her and her husband Cosmo are old, and beyond cute.  They are an SNL sketch.  Italian. Waiving arms. Fagetaboutit…. yes, I wrote it as one word… just as it’s pronounced :)

I’ll keep you posted as my adventure continues…..

xoxo

NYC

Wow… I can’t believe I’m here! It seemed like YESTERDAY that I was moving in 9ish-10 months.  Now I’m sitting in the ever classy Howard Johnson Newark (rebuking bed bugs of any sort), mapping out my day of apartment hunting in the city!

Yesterday as I was giving my mummy my big goodbye hug, I broke down a bit.  The reality of knowing that I won’t be seeing her daily, making her laugh daily, and hugging and kissing on her or my sister really set in.  On the way to the airport I was thinking of my friends: the people I have known my whole life and the people who are newer but feel like old friends.  I started crying again knowing that for many our daily interactions will slow. I found though that as long as I pretended I was going on vaca, I was fine.  So anytime my dad (who’s with me for a few days until I get settled) looked at me with that far away “my baby is moving across the country and I’m going to miss her, it was just yesterday that we brought that 7 lb 6 oz baby home from the hospital” look, I just reminded myself… vacation… vacation… vacation.

But around 8:15 Eastern Standard Time, we began our decent.  The plane tilted to the left, and out of the window was New York City in all of her glory.  Lights everywhere.  The most beautiful skyline the world has to offer.  It was then I realized I wasn’t leaving home… I was coming home.

I will continue to blog my adventures along the way.  Some may be funny, happy, excited, and some may sound homesick and lonely.  But they will be honest.  I hope you enjoy my adventures as I take a Walk in the Park…. Central Park that is  =)

xoxo Amber